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[26 Jun 2009|04:58pm] |
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and now I'm not in high school anymore. so weird.
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[10 Jun 2009|10:46pm] |
I made lots of money tonight, but I don't get to spend any of it.
I don't think there's been a day in the last month where I haven't been stressed out and anxious and depressed and frustrated. the apartment doesn't seem real anymore. but like... because I haven't visited in a week. fuckingFUCKFUCKFUCK. I don't know.
I need a cigarette.
a month ago, every time I came home from work on a school night, I'd sit outside and have a cigarette and call Aidan and we'd talk about things.
oh. well.
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[25 May 2009|02:38pm] |
I don't have to work much this week, so all my free time will be spent moving my entire life to 148 College St.
WHAT?
I know. It's so weird.
But it should be great. I just spent the last two days there. and it was very nice.
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[16 May 2009|03:26pm] |
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I went to the gym! and worked with a personal trainer! and ate some subway. and I'm feelin' right.
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[10 May 2009|11:56pm] |
I'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scared to be alone.
that statement is applicable to pretty much every part of my life right now.
My boss really screwed me over this week. just because he's a dick. and it made me realize how delicate my situation is. and how easily anyone could completely ruin me.
if cruiser doesn't sort this out for me, I probably won't be able to make rent on June 1st.
my loathing for everyone rich increases everyday. if Vinnie were to close the restaurant for a week, it wouldn't put a dent in his wallet, but I could possibly end up homeless.
My last oddfellow's performance ever was last night. It hit me just as I walked offstage after the curtain call. and I cried hysterically, and then just kind of pushed the feeling down. and today CW randomly texted me: "you gave it a great run and it was fun acting with you. you went out with a bang and I'm gonna miss you." and I cried some more.
today was such a shitty day. I just cried a lot. about nothing.
I realize that I'm waiting for someone else to make me happy, and that's not right. but I simply don't know how to do it myself. I never have.
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[17 Apr 2009|02:02pm] |
all I hear about, all I think about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.
that's one of my lines from american clock. but it is so fucking applicable.
I GOT THE KEYS TO MY APARTMENT TODAY.
but I owe my mom over $1300 and I have to start paying rent in June and I've had to ask for so many days off lately. and I'm just getting nervous.
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[06 Apr 2009|10:26pm] |
Sometimes I feel like nobody is ever listening to me.
KSJDHFKSDJHFSKDJGKDFJNGKDJNFGKSDJFJSLDKJFLSKKEEEEEEEERJOSIDJFSLKDGKLSMDFLSKDMFLSKMF.
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[30 Mar 2009|04:13pm] |
I'm ready to feel pretty again.
I've been in such a rut the last couple weeks. I hate myself when I'm not happy. Negative Nancy's are the worst.
God, I just hate who I am so much right now.
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[21 Mar 2009|02:22pm] |
obesity.
oh no, I spilled my love eEEeEvEErywhEErrrRe.
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[19 Mar 2009|03:31pm] |
it would be nice to love my body and not feel disgusting for one day. even when I'm in a good mood and almost perfectly happy I can still hear that stupid little voice telling me I'm not pretty enough.
ugggggggghksjdhfnkjsndfkjsndfkjsndfkjsnklfnlkdjnfs.
I love work. it makes me feel productive.
I hate school it makes me feel like a fucking failure.
I hate the hiccups. I haz them. I miss MOOOLLLLLLYYYLYLYLYLYLYLY. I want pillow talk and waffles and to brush our teeth together and I just ... miss her.
I hated none of you. I loved you all at the time.
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